Empower yourself with Confidence

*Balancing a Moroccan Tea Tray

I’m lying here on my round pink satin bed thinking of all the gifts I’ve received through belly dance: confidence, glamour, freedom, sexiness, joy. Belly dance has empowered me in nearly every area of my life but one: business. Shimmy half naked for Arnold Schwarzenegger? No problem. Read a financial report? I don’t think so. Give me some rose petals and tell me to spread them on my pink satin sheets—can do. Ask me to do an Excel spread sheet and I’ll run screaming the other direction. Actually, that was the old me, before I embraced my inner entrepreneur. Now, spread sheets and running numbers comes to me as easily as belly rolls. How did this happen? By following some simple steps.

First, I set the goal. I wanted to empower women through my company GoddessLife. To do that, I needed to empower myself and face my business fears. And so I applied to and was accepted into the highly competitive executive program at the UCLA Anderson School of Business at UCLA. Attending a business school with other entrepreneurs was like leaping into the abyss for me. But I stepped outside my comfort zone and faced my deeply rooted fears of not being able to understand complex business theories. When I did my first class assignment on my own using Excel and programmed the formulas for a P&L report, I felt like the Queen of the world! I celebrated my accomplishment with a bubble bath and a glass of Cristal. While people across the world create spreadsheets everyday, for me it was like climbing Mount Everest. I could now meet with my accountant without leaving in tears, and while I will never be a CPA, I am now a BDE—Business Diva Extraordinaire.

And now I can balance a spreadsheet and a Moroccan tea tray on my head. How many CEO’s can say that?

I also discovered a little secret. While we all have worries and doubts that chip away at our self-worth, it is through facing these fears head-on that we gain trust in ourselves. By doing the things that scare us the most, we learn self-reliance. Most of our fears are irrational and we know intellectually that they do not serve our higher good. They gain power in our minds. Most of us have agonized over a phone call that we assumed would be an ugly confrontation, only to realize that “it wasn’t that bad”. It is up to each individual to tame the little beasts. AS SARK says, put your fears and negative thoughts in a Rolls Royce and gently shut the door. Say, “Thanks for sharing!” and send them on their way. Don’t forget to wave. Then take a deep breath and accept that you can do anything to which you set your mind.

It might seem I’m stating the obvious when I say being gorgeous, rich, smart, famous, successful or thin does not automatically give you self-esteem, but you would be surprised how often we all delude ourselves into thinking that we will finally feel good about ourselves once we have achieved these things. Achieving your idea of perfection will not bring you confidence because the opposite of confidence is not perfection. The opposite of confidence is fear.

Just analyzing or thinking positive thoughts about what scares you is not enough. It is through action that we truly face our fears. If you are afraid of the ocean, take a snorkeling class. Take small steps towards the ultimate goal—start in a pool, move to a lake, then move to the sea. There is a reason we use the term “build confidence”. You can do it! Unlike narcissism, you can never have too much self-esteem and we all need to lift ourselves up occasionally and redefine what gives us a sense of worth. True confidence is the best investment you will ever make in yourself and can outlast your job, your boyfriend and even the most darling pair of Manolo Blahniks. Go Goddesses! I have confidence in you!

How to make an Great Entrance

*Making an entrance at the Dixie Chicks Concert with my lawyer

There is nothing like making a great entrance. That moment when you feel like you are the star in a movie: think Bette Davis in “Beyond the Forest.” Who can forget her entering her new home with her husband and spitting out, “What a dump!!” Or Debbie Reynolds when she pops out of the cake in Singing’ in the Rain” and makes gene Kelly fall in love with her. You must posess a lot of confidence to pull off a great entrance, but it is easier than you think. Below I have listed 10 surefire ways to make a memorable entrance. I have done some of these myself by accident and enjoyed the moment. I have also witnessed—and immensely admired-- the few grand entrances of others. Several of these require some planning, props and a dash of magic – but they are worth it! The best thing is: all of these are great conversation starters that are far more interesting and insightful than the old, “What do you do for a living?”.

Making your entrance: - Bring a fabulous gift for host – One that everyone can see the minute you enter, such as a huge cake, mariachi band, or an orange tree. I once was at a marvelous dinner party in which everyone left the table mid-meal, screaming with excitement over the late arrival. I applauded his skills for making an entrance. Turns out he brought the hostess a painting of himself and hung it on the wall!

Wear something outrageous - You can wear something outrageous by simply wearing something different than what everyone else is wearing. If you just finished your softball league’s tournament, wear your uniform to the restaurant. My failsafe and quick attention-grabber is wearing a pink wig. Its causes such a stir and often is a great way to hide a bad hair day!

Be recognized - have your friends shout out your name when you enter and have them say something you just accomplished, such as she has just ran the Boston Marathon.

Come in laughing - laughing is intoxicating, everyone will want to know what is so funny and be a part of the joy. This one is great to pull off at the last minute. This works at even the most pretentious parties– who wants to be the uptight person who insults the “fun” girl who just arrived?

Transportation - enter on a motorcycle or carried in by several strong men. I once had the inspired idea to kayak to a beach party in Malibu. It was a great idea, but 2 hours later, when I was exhausted from rowing, I nearly gave up on my dream. It paid off; I entered before the sun officially set!

Make your entrance during a great song or at a dramatic moment in a song. Think Kanye West’s, “Gold Digger” or the first bars of Beethoven’s 5th.

Location, location, location – come down the winding staircase, through the back door or out of a cake.

Be announced – Politicians and Royalty are announced with great pomp and circumstance with motorcade processions and trumpets. Religious leaders are often bowed to upon arrival. There are some Buddhists that have the pathway that they walk swept, so that they do not kill any living beings. If a marching band is out of your price range, you can be announced by someone throwing flower petals at your feet.

Bring an exotic animal – Chihuahuas have been done. But there are so many animals in the wild kingdom! I was recently at a CD signing that everyone left to go outside to see the rare and endangered bearcat one of the guests brought. It was a cutie! (Please don’t go kidnapping any animals—only orphans who couldn’t survive in the wild.)

Surprise them – especially if they are not expecting you because someone told everyone you couldn’t make it because you were stuck on a plane, having a baby or taking your final exams.

Don’t forget:
Timing is crucial - it doesn’t matter if you have pink hair or a bearcat if you are too early or too late.

Enjoy the moment:
Follow it with… a witty line, joke or light conversation after you make your entrance. This part is mostly about delivery – make it short & sweet, slightly amuse yourself, pause, then laugh, move on to the bar or a friend, and people will think you are the most charming woman on earth!