Empower yourself with Confidence

*Balancing a Moroccan Tea Tray

I’m lying here on my round pink satin bed thinking of all the gifts I’ve received through belly dance: confidence, glamour, freedom, sexiness, joy. Belly dance has empowered me in nearly every area of my life but one: business. Shimmy half naked for Arnold Schwarzenegger? No problem. Read a financial report? I don’t think so. Give me some rose petals and tell me to spread them on my pink satin sheets—can do. Ask me to do an Excel spread sheet and I’ll run screaming the other direction. Actually, that was the old me, before I embraced my inner entrepreneur. Now, spread sheets and running numbers comes to me as easily as belly rolls. How did this happen? By following some simple steps.

First, I set the goal. I wanted to empower women through my company GoddessLife. To do that, I needed to empower myself and face my business fears. And so I applied to and was accepted into the highly competitive executive program at the UCLA Anderson School of Business at UCLA. Attending a business school with other entrepreneurs was like leaping into the abyss for me. But I stepped outside my comfort zone and faced my deeply rooted fears of not being able to understand complex business theories. When I did my first class assignment on my own using Excel and programmed the formulas for a P&L report, I felt like the Queen of the world! I celebrated my accomplishment with a bubble bath and a glass of Cristal. While people across the world create spreadsheets everyday, for me it was like climbing Mount Everest. I could now meet with my accountant without leaving in tears, and while I will never be a CPA, I am now a BDE—Business Diva Extraordinaire.

And now I can balance a spreadsheet and a Moroccan tea tray on my head. How many CEO’s can say that?

I also discovered a little secret. While we all have worries and doubts that chip away at our self-worth, it is through facing these fears head-on that we gain trust in ourselves. By doing the things that scare us the most, we learn self-reliance. Most of our fears are irrational and we know intellectually that they do not serve our higher good. They gain power in our minds. Most of us have agonized over a phone call that we assumed would be an ugly confrontation, only to realize that “it wasn’t that bad”. It is up to each individual to tame the little beasts. AS SARK says, put your fears and negative thoughts in a Rolls Royce and gently shut the door. Say, “Thanks for sharing!” and send them on their way. Don’t forget to wave. Then take a deep breath and accept that you can do anything to which you set your mind.

It might seem I’m stating the obvious when I say being gorgeous, rich, smart, famous, successful or thin does not automatically give you self-esteem, but you would be surprised how often we all delude ourselves into thinking that we will finally feel good about ourselves once we have achieved these things. Achieving your idea of perfection will not bring you confidence because the opposite of confidence is not perfection. The opposite of confidence is fear.

Just analyzing or thinking positive thoughts about what scares you is not enough. It is through action that we truly face our fears. If you are afraid of the ocean, take a snorkeling class. Take small steps towards the ultimate goal—start in a pool, move to a lake, then move to the sea. There is a reason we use the term “build confidence”. You can do it! Unlike narcissism, you can never have too much self-esteem and we all need to lift ourselves up occasionally and redefine what gives us a sense of worth. True confidence is the best investment you will ever make in yourself and can outlast your job, your boyfriend and even the most darling pair of Manolo Blahniks. Go Goddesses! I have confidence in you!

Girls just wanna have fun, or do they?

Recently, one of my students at the Goddess Center informed me that she was not going to be able to make this series of cheerleading classes. She was trying to be "responsible” and just had too many things on her plate. Granted, shaking your pom-poms and refining your “liberty” arms is not usually a high priority for a 30-year-old successful businesswoman. But I knew how much she loved class and wearing the short cheer skirts. She often said it was the most fun thing she did each week.

This got me thinking of how little women value having fun. It’s even lower on our list than pampering ourselves. We all know how difficult it is for us as women to take care of ourselves - people pleasing everyone except ourselves. We don’t even seem to think of ourselves as people. We have been conditioned to think this way and the fact that we receive some sort of validation that we are “good” and that we are loved because we take care of others makes it an annoyingly difficult pattern to break.

Having fun, without agenda (furthering your career, burning calories, being more organized, having a cleaner house) is one of the great reasons to live. It is living.

Now, I am not advising you to become totally irresponsible and play hookey everyday. But there must be things you just enjoy doing (and if you can’t think of any, I suggest that you forget laundry this week and start discovering what brings you joy). These fun things put everything in perspective, make us excited in anticipation before they happen and giggle long after they are over.

Personally, having fun tops my priority list. It is also how I measure things: I believe the best bellydancer in class in the one who can laugh at herself and the best surfer is the one splashing around and having a great time. I try to have as much fun as I can everyday, especially when life becomes truly challenging. Feel free to email me and share your ideas and experiences of having fun with me. I would love to hear about what fun things you like to do!

So, enroll in that class you always say you wanted to take, go to that softball game, allow yourself to be the last person to leave a party and do something that makes you laugh!

10 Calorie-Free and $$-Free ways to Indulge

1) Take a Bath (using your new bath rituals)
2) Wear your special occasion underwear on Monday beneath your work clothes.
3) Have your make-up done at a department store
4) Pick-up brochures about exotic places at a Travel Agency (with no travel plans)
5) Write a delicious fantasy in your diary, only for your eyes.
6) Take a test-drive in your dream car
7) Nap under a big quilt
8) Dress up and try on expensive jewelry at Tiffany’s
9) Watch the Sunset
10) Make a list of what you would do with $$ if you won the lottery

10 Extravagant Indulgences

1) Make yourself a hot-fudge sundae with all the trimmings to eat in bed.
2) Invest in sumptuous 400-thread-count sheets
3) Throw a party for no occasion
4) Buy a small bouquet of flowers for your nightstand
5) Travel
6) Take a class, just for fun: Aromatherapy, Scuba-diving, painting
7) Buy yourself silk pajamas
8) Donate to charity anonymously
9) Buy yourself Diamonds
10) Order Room Service

Magical Moonlight

For “many moons”, people have been deeply fascinated by the ever-changing presence of the silvery moon in the night sky. Temples have been erected and dedicated to Luna. The first calendar humankind ever knew was based on a year of thirteen months, the number of times the moon waxed and waned. Moscow is raised and lowered by twenty inches twice a day by the tides, which are affected by the moon. And perhaps no other natural object has starred in so much poetry and literature and music, and the myths and legends of so many cultures. With all that has been said, one thing stays consistent: the moon is female.

Lilith, Diana, Selene, Helen, Hathor, Artemis….the ancient civilizations created many goddesses whose power and influence came from the Moon. Their essence was that of the Moon itself and the Goddesses assume many different forms, just as the Moon does. Some are virginal (in the original meaning of the word: whole unto herself), and some are fertile. These feminine deities were worshipped for what the lunar attributes that they represent: change, transformation, mystery, and creation.

The Moon’s monthly pattern of waxing, full, waning and dark (new) reflects women’s monthly cycle. Menstruation actually means monthly – occurring every lunar month. I have personally noticed when I spend a lot of time with other women; we will all tend to menstruate all within a few days of one another. It has been suggested that in ancient times, before there was artificial light or any chemical contraception, women would ovulate and menstruate at the same time because of the moon’s influence. They would isolate themselves in “Moon Huts” during their “Moon Time” –not because they consider themselves unclean, but as a opportunity to celebrate the mysteries of their femininity together.

The Moon has such a strong influence on the Earth that twice a day, it makes the waters of the oceans ebb and flow. It takes about 1,500,000,000 horsepower for the Moon to drag the tides across the Earth each day. Sheesh, that’s a lot of power! Scientists (those cuties with the white coats and coke-bottle glasses) say that our body is made up of 95% water. With all this power, the Moon must affect us, too, no doubt. Perhaps which is why we attribute craziness to the Full Moon with the term: lunatic.

In ancient spirituality, Pagan, witchcraft, magic, and earth-based religion, the connections to the moon are immeasurable. There are endless amount of spells to attain everything from love to prosperity. Some rituals are performed at when the moon is “right”, drawing on the different energies of the moon’s cycle. In astrology, the moon’s placement in an individual’s chart represents the feminine aspects of the one’s nature.

You may not want to isolate each month in a “Moon Hut” or perform a “Lunar Love-Charm” to celebrate the Full Moon. But next time you see the Full moon up in the sky, take a moment to honor our silvery sister that quietly, but strongly influences our lives.

We are all Goddesses

As I looked into the water, an image of divine femininity gazed back at me, one that I didn’t even recognize! I was amazed and humbled, as were the women surrounding me.

The image reinforced my belief in the importance of women finding the powerful goddess within themselves.

Bellydance belongs to all women; it is how we express our own inner Goddess.

Look at the other bellydancers around you. They are all Goddesses. We must resist the temptation to think that our interpretation and the way we experience bellydance is the definitive and correct way to dance. This philosophy chips away at our individual self-esteem and deprives us of the chance to make women our allies.

This art has given us all so much. Who better than other bellydancers to delight in sharing in its riches?

When you begin to see and acknowledge the many magnificent qualities in other bellydancers, even if they dance differently than you, you will begin to feel the unbreakable bonds of sisterhood. This is how we will make a difference as women, united.

We are all Goddesses.

Famous Diamonds

The Hope – More notorious than any other diamond, this 45.52-carat dark blue stone has a history heavily veiled by superstition. The diamond is supposed to have been the “Eye of Shiva” and to have been stolen, which is the reason for bad luck. Several of its owners died tragically, such as Louis XVI, Marie Antoinette, and Countess Du Barry were all beheaded, Habib Bey drowned along with his whole family and other owners, along with their descendants were beset with tragedy until they sold the diamond. Stolen during the French Revolution, it turned up in London in 1830 and was bought by Henry Philip Hope after whom it is currently named. Harry Winston donated it to the Smithsonian Institution.

The Taylor-Burton – This pear shaped 69.42-carat diamond was sold at auction in 1969 with the understanding that the buyer could name it. Cartier of New York successfully bid for it and immediately christened it Cartier. However, the next day Richard Burton bought the stone for Elizabeth Taylor for an undisclosed sum, renaming it the Taylor-Burton. It made its debut at a charity ball in Monaco hosted by Princess Grace. In 1978, Elizabeth Taylor announced that she was putting it up for sale and planned to use the proceeds to build a hospital in Botswanna. In 1979, it was sold for nearly 3 million and was last reported to be in Saudi Arabia.

The Regent – A truly historic diamond discovered in 1701 by an Indian slave, it weighed 410 carats in the rough. At one time, it was called “The Pitt” after it’s owner, William Pitt, an English Prime Minister, who had the diamond cut into 140.50 carats. It was then sold to France and renamed The Regent and set into the crown Louis XV wore at his coronation. After the French Revolution, it was owned by Napoleon Bonaparte who set it in the hilt of his sword. It is now on the display in the Louvre.

The Great Star of Africa - The Great Star of Africa was the largest diamond ever found, weighing a staggering 3106 carats in the rough! It is now the largest cut diamond at 530.20 carats. This diamond adorns the scepter of King Edward VII and is kept in the tower of London and is among the British Crown Jewels.

The Tiffany – The Tiffany diamond is one of the largest Fancy Yellow diamonds in the world. The rough diamond weighed 287.42 carats before it was cut and shaped into a “brilliant-shaped” diamond with an unprecedented 90 facets. This is 32 more facets than the traditional 58 facets, which serves to make The Tiffany appear to smolder from a flame within. This 128.51-carat diamond briefly graced the neck of Audrey Hepburn for a round of publicity photographs taken for the film, Breakfast at Tiffany’s in 1961.

What type of Goddess are you?

There are many sides to you. You are like a diamond: all your facets are a part of the whole you, infact, they make you shine more brilliantly. Depending on the day, the hour you take this quiz, you could be any of these types of Goddess. There is always one cut on any diamond that is larger, more dominant than any other – and this is your type of Goddess. Circle the answer you feel best describes you the most, then read about yourself!

1) Your favorite getaway is:
A) Hawaii
B) Paris
C) Venice, Italy
D) Las Vegas
E) Martha’s Vineyard

2) The shoes you wear all the time are:
A) Fredrick’s of Hollywood marabou slippers
B) Manolo Blahniks
C) Barefoot
D) Black Boots
E) UGG Boots

3) Perfect Date:
A) Dinner, dancing, hot tub
B) Foreign Film, coffee shop discussion
C) Charity Benefit
D) Concert
E) Picnic in Park

4) Fave Binge food:
A) Ice Cream
B) Champagne
C) Chocolate
D) Spicy Food
E) French Fries

5) I love to read:
A) Magazines
B) NY Times Bestsellers
C) Self-Help
D) Biographies
E) Adventure




6) Dream Job (If money wasn’t an issue):
A) Bellydancer
B) Entrepreneur
C) Mother
D) Artist
E) Park Ranger

7) You call in sick when you:
A) Sleep in
B) Never
C) Met a new love
D) Have a hangover
E) Have a fever over 101 degrees

8) Favorite Indulgence:
A) Baths
B) Manicure
C) Creams, lotions and perfume
D) Music
E) Flowers

9) Ideal Workout:
A) Dancing
B) Yoga
C) Swimming
D) Weight-lifting
E) Hiking

10) You are having a stressed-out day at work/school, you:
A) Take a rose-petal bath
B) Go shopping
C) Write in your journal
D) You thrive on stress – it makes you work harder
E) Take a walk in the park











If you picked mostly A’s – You are a Sexy Goddess
My, it’s getting warm in here. You love being a girl and are amused watching the boys fall at your feet. Everything about you is provocative from the way you dress to the way you talk. You are passionate, witty, dangerously smart, though you may keep this on the QT to add to the mystery of your allure.

If you picked mostly B’s – You are a Modern Goddess
Casual Fridays? For you, dressing up is not a chore – it’s a raison d’etre. Luxury is your way of life. You would rather have a few designer threads than a closet full of bargain brands. You are sophisticated, chic and into the most current trends. You adore traveling, learning new things and shopping.

If you picked mostly C’s – You are a Love Goddess
All you need is love, Love is all you need. You hate conflict and clothes that aren’t soft to the touch. You always see the glass as half-full and want to make a difference in the world. Beautiful, fragrant things are important to you and you indulge in lotions for each part of your body. You care deeply for all people, especially children.

If you picked mostly D’s – You are a Rock Goddess
Take a walk on the wild side is your motto. You will try anything once. Your sense of adventure includes your risk-taking style, though you can always count on your favorite pair of jeans. It’s all about the hair, whether it’s blonde, brunette or red. You won’t take no for an answer, unless it’s coming out of your mouth. You speak the truth, which often gets you into trouble. You are highly creative and artistic, even the way you make dinner.

If you picked mostly E’s – You are a Natural Goddess
To you, an embarrassment of riches is watching a sunset over the ocean. Your style is easy going and your make-up is clean, fresh, dewy and above all, natural. You are honest, good listeners and make the most loyal of friends. You care deeply for nature and animals. You are health conscious and organic foods and exercise are a priority.

Bed, Baths and Beyond

I was about 6 years old when I first went to a hammam. These are public bathhouses in Morocco, in which I briefly lived with my family. In Marrakech, bathing at a hammam is a social ritual to which we do not have an exact comparison in America. It most resembles a spa, but not as luxurious as its western counterparts nor as private. Women in Morocco frequent the hammam about once a week and are not as modest as American women at spas.

The hammam’s main room is tiled and steamy. You can hire a professional bather, but many women scrub, massage and cleanse each other. An amber colored goo is applied generously to the body, followed by a rigorous exfoliation with loofah mitts. Everyone has her own bucket of hot or cold water to douse herself with. Most women and girls are naked, except for panties. It is quite an intimate activity to share devoid of awkwardness. The women are more accepting of and open about their bodies than many American women.

The hammams were my first experience at pampering and it left a lasting impression. As a little girl, I mostly remembered the amber goo and how soft my skin felt afterwards. I would often think about the clean feeling I had immediately following a visit to the Moroccan bath. I was dirty most of the time in Morocco from the dust, wind and communal living. Even through the mind of a child, I knew a visit to the Moroccan spa felt more than just about getting clean; it felt like a fresh start.

As an adult, I decided to further my education in the arduous and highly competitive field of becoming a spa aficionado. I have delved enthusiastically into this area of study, dedicating many hours of research to visiting day spas, traveling to destination spas and reading many complex spa treatment menus. I have submitted myself to be the subject of dozens of grueling experimental spa treatments. I have been wrapped in chocolate in Mexico, had a gin martini facial in Paris, a rose-petal massage in Ojai, three-masseuse massage in Thailand and Lomi Lomi in Hawaii. With just a few credits shy of getting my degree, I have discovered my thesis: Pampering is about feeling taken care of.

The stresses of life can be exhausting and we are all guilty at times of biting off more than we can chew, doing too much and subsequently running on empty. In this drained state, we have little to give and often take for granted the blessings in our lives. The act of being pampered is rejuvenating. It is like refueling. Going to the spa is taking care of yourself and allowing someone to pamper you. Spas are sacred temples to renew a sore body, weary soul, a broken heart and a tired mind.

Pampering does not need to be luxurious to be effective. A natural mineral spring bath can be just as valuable as an expensive treatment in Beverly Hills. Even a short pampering session like a pedicure can go a long way to remove the grime of life that prevents you from seeing the beauty that surrounds you.

So memorize the list below and add your own pampering discoveries. Remember, as a goddess, we must always be working on a Phd in Pampering!

Types of Massage

Massage has been practiced throughout most cultures for thousands of years for one simple reason: touch is a powerful healer. Today more than ever, the stresses and strains of our fast-paced lives take their toll on our bodies, relationships, and enjoyment of life. Studies show that touch measurably improves health and well being. According to research done by the Touch Research Institute, based at the University of Miami, touch can reduce stress hormones, combat depressive symptoms, alleviate pain, and boost the immune system.


Styles of Massage:
A massage menu is as delicious to a Goddess as a dessert menu. So how do you choose which style of massage is right for you? You simply must sample each one, memorize the definitions, find your favorites and realize different massages can be more appropriate on different days for different needs and benefits.

Swedish – This European method reduces tension, increases circulation and soothes sore muscles using a combination of various movements including kneading, petrissage and effleurage.

Shiatsu – This ancient Japanese technique of applied finger pressure to your body’s meridian channels, allows your chi to flow naturally, inducing a state of deep relaxation and well-being.

Watsu – Watsu consists of shiatsu stretches in a pool of body-temperature water. You feel weightless as a therapist cradles you and stretches your limbs and is ideal for people who can’t have other types of massage (such as pregnant women and those with disabilities).

Aromatherapy - The powerful aromatic effects of pure essential oils are applied to the skin with Swedish massage techniques to revitalize and detoxify your body.

Sports - Aimed at performance, this massage technique uses compression; deep transverse friction and stretching to prepare the body for intensive exercise or for recovery after athletics.

Deep-Tissue – A therapeutic treatment that works deep tissue to relieve muscular spasms and prevent soreness resulting from many things like stress, over-exertion, or athletic activities.

Reflexology – The hands and feet have points that correspond to the organs and functions of the body. This massage involves stimulating these points to provide a positively calming and healing experience.

Reiki – Reiki is a Japanese word that means universal life-force energy. This ancient healing art uses gentle and non-invasive energy to encourage personal awareness and well-being.

Cranio-Sacral – Through light touch, this practice alters imbalances in the central nervous system between the cranium and the sacrum, resetting the body’s natural healing potential.

Hot Stone Therapy – Smooth, polished Basalt Lava Stones are heated and incorporated into a massage that loosens tight muscles and relieves tension.

Thai - Thai massage combines pressure-point massage and yoga in slow, rhythmic stretches along the body’s ten sen, or energy lines. As you lie on a floor mat, the therapist uses her palms, thumbs, elbow and feet to apply pressure to your body and move it through yoga poses to balance energy and increase flexibility.

Lomi-Lomi – Passed down through Hawaiian elders or Kapuna, this therapeutic technique uses both gentle and vigorous kneading strokes and body manipulations to ease muscle pain thus renewing a sense of well-being.

Shirodhara – In this Eastern-Indian treatment, warm oil flows onto the forehead and is gently massaged into the scalp while hot stones are place in your hands and at your feet to calm the mind and body.

Tui Na – This ancient Chinese healing art is based on energy flow, meridian and pressure points. The focus is less on immediate relaxation and more on restoring the body’s health and energy through intense stretching and muscle manipulation.

MLD – Manual Lymphatic Drainage is the most widely researched and proven massage in the world. Rhythmical, whispery soft finger strokes or ultra-light drumming stimulate the flow of lymph with the benefits ranging from a decrease in facial puffiness and a boost in immune function to smoothing of cellulite and relief from headaches.

Celebrate like the Brazilians!

No one celebrates better than the Brazilians on New Year’s Eve. No Hollywood premiere or awards show, no Royalty Wedding, no political inauguration even compares to the massive party in Brazil. It is an incomparable combination of beauty, decadence, spirituality, joy, love, unity and sheer fun!

Everyone dresses in white and goes to the beach. Now, I don’t mean like most costume parties in which there are always a few party-poopers that don’t dress up and wont leave the kitchen. I mean, literally, everyone dresses in their finest whites and packs every beach from Rio to the small villages in Bahia. It is a vision of beautiful loveliness.

It is summertime and the weather is warm and so are the hearts of the people. There are no cliques or people trying to be “cool” or pretentious. It doesn’t matter if you are extremely wealthy (and there are people so rich in Brazil, they fill their swimming pools with Evian water!) or if your home is under a palm tree, everyone parties together! There is a magical feeling of harmony and connectedness.

There are bands playing music and people dancing everywhere – even in the ocean. You can go into anyone’s house along the beach and be served delicious food and make instant best friends. There are fireworks going off and the party lasts all night.

On New Year’s Eve, they celebrate a Goddess of the sea named Yemaya. She was originally a West African Goddess brought to Brazil by the slaves and now has become a fully realized Brazilian Goddess of prosperity and abundance. To ask Yemaya to answer their prayers, worshippers come to the shoreline with flowers and candles as offerings. They place them in the ocean and then jump seven waves to ask her to bless them. It is gorgeous to see the ocean filled with candles and flowers and it makes the night filled with magic, hope and dreams. When was the last time you went to a party with your intentions, goals and resolutions?

Now that you have fully realized that you are a Goddess, its time for you to celebrate! You’ve worked hard, challenged yourself and now its time to let your hair down, step off the pedestal and have some outrageous fun! Life is far too short, you blink and years speed by. Why not?