GoddessLife Holiday Party December 9, 2007 12-5

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Empower yourself with Confidence

*Balancing a Moroccan Tea Tray

I’m lying here on my round pink satin bed thinking of all the gifts I’ve received through belly dance: confidence, glamour, freedom, sexiness, joy. Belly dance has empowered me in nearly every area of my life but one: business. Shimmy half naked for Arnold Schwarzenegger? No problem. Read a financial report? I don’t think so. Give me some rose petals and tell me to spread them on my pink satin sheets—can do. Ask me to do an Excel spread sheet and I’ll run screaming the other direction. Actually, that was the old me, before I embraced my inner entrepreneur. Now, spread sheets and running numbers comes to me as easily as belly rolls. How did this happen? By following some simple steps.

First, I set the goal. I wanted to empower women through my company GoddessLife. To do that, I needed to empower myself and face my business fears. And so I applied to and was accepted into the highly competitive executive program at the UCLA Anderson School of Business at UCLA. Attending a business school with other entrepreneurs was like leaping into the abyss for me. But I stepped outside my comfort zone and faced my deeply rooted fears of not being able to understand complex business theories. When I did my first class assignment on my own using Excel and programmed the formulas for a P&L report, I felt like the Queen of the world! I celebrated my accomplishment with a bubble bath and a glass of Cristal. While people across the world create spreadsheets everyday, for me it was like climbing Mount Everest. I could now meet with my accountant without leaving in tears, and while I will never be a CPA, I am now a BDE—Business Diva Extraordinaire.

And now I can balance a spreadsheet and a Moroccan tea tray on my head. How many CEO’s can say that?

I also discovered a little secret. While we all have worries and doubts that chip away at our self-worth, it is through facing these fears head-on that we gain trust in ourselves. By doing the things that scare us the most, we learn self-reliance. Most of our fears are irrational and we know intellectually that they do not serve our higher good. They gain power in our minds. Most of us have agonized over a phone call that we assumed would be an ugly confrontation, only to realize that “it wasn’t that bad”. It is up to each individual to tame the little beasts. AS SARK says, put your fears and negative thoughts in a Rolls Royce and gently shut the door. Say, “Thanks for sharing!” and send them on their way. Don’t forget to wave. Then take a deep breath and accept that you can do anything to which you set your mind.

It might seem I’m stating the obvious when I say being gorgeous, rich, smart, famous, successful or thin does not automatically give you self-esteem, but you would be surprised how often we all delude ourselves into thinking that we will finally feel good about ourselves once we have achieved these things. Achieving your idea of perfection will not bring you confidence because the opposite of confidence is not perfection. The opposite of confidence is fear.

Just analyzing or thinking positive thoughts about what scares you is not enough. It is through action that we truly face our fears. If you are afraid of the ocean, take a snorkeling class. Take small steps towards the ultimate goal—start in a pool, move to a lake, then move to the sea. There is a reason we use the term “build confidence”. You can do it! Unlike narcissism, you can never have too much self-esteem and we all need to lift ourselves up occasionally and redefine what gives us a sense of worth. True confidence is the best investment you will ever make in yourself and can outlast your job, your boyfriend and even the most darling pair of Manolo Blahniks. Go Goddesses! I have confidence in you!

Girls just wanna have fun, or do they?

Recently, one of my students at the Goddess Center informed me that she was not going to be able to make this series of cheerleading classes. She was trying to be "responsible” and just had too many things on her plate. Granted, shaking your pom-poms and refining your “liberty” arms is not usually a high priority for a 30-year-old successful businesswoman. But I knew how much she loved class and wearing the short cheer skirts. She often said it was the most fun thing she did each week.

This got me thinking of how little women value having fun. It’s even lower on our list than pampering ourselves. We all know how difficult it is for us as women to take care of ourselves - people pleasing everyone except ourselves. We don’t even seem to think of ourselves as people. We have been conditioned to think this way and the fact that we receive some sort of validation that we are “good” and that we are loved because we take care of others makes it an annoyingly difficult pattern to break.

Having fun, without agenda (furthering your career, burning calories, being more organized, having a cleaner house) is one of the great reasons to live. It is living.

Now, I am not advising you to become totally irresponsible and play hookey everyday. But there must be things you just enjoy doing (and if you can’t think of any, I suggest that you forget laundry this week and start discovering what brings you joy). These fun things put everything in perspective, make us excited in anticipation before they happen and giggle long after they are over.

Personally, having fun tops my priority list. It is also how I measure things: I believe the best bellydancer in class in the one who can laugh at herself and the best surfer is the one splashing around and having a great time. I try to have as much fun as I can everyday, especially when life becomes truly challenging. Feel free to email me and share your ideas and experiences of having fun with me. I would love to hear about what fun things you like to do!

So, enroll in that class you always say you wanted to take, go to that softball game, allow yourself to be the last person to leave a party and do something that makes you laugh!

10 Calorie-Free and $$-Free ways to Indulge

1) Take a Bath (using your new bath rituals)
2) Wear your special occasion underwear on Monday beneath your work clothes.
3) Have your make-up done at a department store
4) Pick-up brochures about exotic places at a Travel Agency (with no travel plans)
5) Write a delicious fantasy in your diary, only for your eyes.
6) Take a test-drive in your dream car
7) Nap under a big quilt
8) Dress up and try on expensive jewelry at Tiffany’s
9) Watch the Sunset
10) Make a list of what you would do with $$ if you won the lottery

10 Extravagant Indulgences

1) Make yourself a hot-fudge sundae with all the trimmings to eat in bed.
2) Invest in sumptuous 400-thread-count sheets
3) Throw a party for no occasion
4) Buy a small bouquet of flowers for your nightstand
5) Travel
6) Take a class, just for fun: Aromatherapy, Scuba-diving, painting
7) Buy yourself silk pajamas
8) Donate to charity anonymously
9) Buy yourself Diamonds
10) Order Room Service

Magical Moonlight

For “many moons”, people have been deeply fascinated by the ever-changing presence of the silvery moon in the night sky. Temples have been erected and dedicated to Luna. The first calendar humankind ever knew was based on a year of thirteen months, the number of times the moon waxed and waned. Moscow is raised and lowered by twenty inches twice a day by the tides, which are affected by the moon. And perhaps no other natural object has starred in so much poetry and literature and music, and the myths and legends of so many cultures. With all that has been said, one thing stays consistent: the moon is female.

Lilith, Diana, Selene, Helen, Hathor, Artemis….the ancient civilizations created many goddesses whose power and influence came from the Moon. Their essence was that of the Moon itself and the Goddesses assume many different forms, just as the Moon does. Some are virginal (in the original meaning of the word: whole unto herself), and some are fertile. These feminine deities were worshipped for what the lunar attributes that they represent: change, transformation, mystery, and creation.

The Moon’s monthly pattern of waxing, full, waning and dark (new) reflects women’s monthly cycle. Menstruation actually means monthly – occurring every lunar month. I have personally noticed when I spend a lot of time with other women; we will all tend to menstruate all within a few days of one another. It has been suggested that in ancient times, before there was artificial light or any chemical contraception, women would ovulate and menstruate at the same time because of the moon’s influence. They would isolate themselves in “Moon Huts” during their “Moon Time” –not because they consider themselves unclean, but as a opportunity to celebrate the mysteries of their femininity together.

The Moon has such a strong influence on the Earth that twice a day, it makes the waters of the oceans ebb and flow. It takes about 1,500,000,000 horsepower for the Moon to drag the tides across the Earth each day. Sheesh, that’s a lot of power! Scientists (those cuties with the white coats and coke-bottle glasses) say that our body is made up of 95% water. With all this power, the Moon must affect us, too, no doubt. Perhaps which is why we attribute craziness to the Full Moon with the term: lunatic.

In ancient spirituality, Pagan, witchcraft, magic, and earth-based religion, the connections to the moon are immeasurable. There are endless amount of spells to attain everything from love to prosperity. Some rituals are performed at when the moon is “right”, drawing on the different energies of the moon’s cycle. In astrology, the moon’s placement in an individual’s chart represents the feminine aspects of the one’s nature.

You may not want to isolate each month in a “Moon Hut” or perform a “Lunar Love-Charm” to celebrate the Full Moon. But next time you see the Full moon up in the sky, take a moment to honor our silvery sister that quietly, but strongly influences our lives.

Thanksgiving - the Holyday of Gratitude

When it comes to celebrating Thanksgiving and this Holyday of Gratitude, I think the Dali Lama said it best:

Everyday, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can.

How to make an Great Entrance

*Making an entrance at the Dixie Chicks Concert with my lawyer

There is nothing like making a great entrance. That moment when you feel like you are the star in a movie: think Bette Davis in “Beyond the Forest.” Who can forget her entering her new home with her husband and spitting out, “What a dump!!” Or Debbie Reynolds when she pops out of the cake in Singing’ in the Rain” and makes gene Kelly fall in love with her. You must posess a lot of confidence to pull off a great entrance, but it is easier than you think. Below I have listed 10 surefire ways to make a memorable entrance. I have done some of these myself by accident and enjoyed the moment. I have also witnessed—and immensely admired-- the few grand entrances of others. Several of these require some planning, props and a dash of magic – but they are worth it! The best thing is: all of these are great conversation starters that are far more interesting and insightful than the old, “What do you do for a living?”.

Making your entrance: - Bring a fabulous gift for host – One that everyone can see the minute you enter, such as a huge cake, mariachi band, or an orange tree. I once was at a marvelous dinner party in which everyone left the table mid-meal, screaming with excitement over the late arrival. I applauded his skills for making an entrance. Turns out he brought the hostess a painting of himself and hung it on the wall!

Wear something outrageous - You can wear something outrageous by simply wearing something different than what everyone else is wearing. If you just finished your softball league’s tournament, wear your uniform to the restaurant. My failsafe and quick attention-grabber is wearing a pink wig. Its causes such a stir and often is a great way to hide a bad hair day!

Be recognized - have your friends shout out your name when you enter and have them say something you just accomplished, such as she has just ran the Boston Marathon.

Come in laughing - laughing is intoxicating, everyone will want to know what is so funny and be a part of the joy. This one is great to pull off at the last minute. This works at even the most pretentious parties– who wants to be the uptight person who insults the “fun” girl who just arrived?

Transportation - enter on a motorcycle or carried in by several strong men. I once had the inspired idea to kayak to a beach party in Malibu. It was a great idea, but 2 hours later, when I was exhausted from rowing, I nearly gave up on my dream. It paid off; I entered before the sun officially set!

Make your entrance during a great song or at a dramatic moment in a song. Think Kanye West’s, “Gold Digger” or the first bars of Beethoven’s 5th.

Location, location, location – come down the winding staircase, through the back door or out of a cake.

Be announced – Politicians and Royalty are announced with great pomp and circumstance with motorcade processions and trumpets. Religious leaders are often bowed to upon arrival. There are some Buddhists that have the pathway that they walk swept, so that they do not kill any living beings. If a marching band is out of your price range, you can be announced by someone throwing flower petals at your feet.

Bring an exotic animal – Chihuahuas have been done. But there are so many animals in the wild kingdom! I was recently at a CD signing that everyone left to go outside to see the rare and endangered bearcat one of the guests brought. It was a cutie! (Please don’t go kidnapping any animals—only orphans who couldn’t survive in the wild.)

Surprise them – especially if they are not expecting you because someone told everyone you couldn’t make it because you were stuck on a plane, having a baby or taking your final exams.

Don’t forget:
Timing is crucial - it doesn’t matter if you have pink hair or a bearcat if you are too early or too late.

Enjoy the moment:
Follow it with… a witty line, joke or light conversation after you make your entrance. This part is mostly about delivery – make it short & sweet, slightly amuse yourself, pause, then laugh, move on to the bar or a friend, and people will think you are the most charming woman on earth!

New Goddess Workout DVD Releases!

I am very excited!! On January 8th there will be 5 Goddess Workout DVD releases! Cardio Bellydance and Cardio Burlesque are Brand New. Intro to Bellydance, Warrior Goddess & Veils & Finger Cymbals are re-releases with Bonus Features - such as performances by yours truly and fun & educational segments such as "How to Bellydance for your Man", "Lingerie 101", "How to Create a Bellydance Costume" and "How to Create a Bellydance Performance". You can pre-order all of these on Amazon.com. Stay tuned for outrageous, exquisite and inspiring release parties!!

Dream Jobs - Do what you love - be a Cubicle Refugee

This morning I swept up my office and was thoroughly captivated by the beauty that lied within my dustpan. In it were coins from bellydance hipscarves, a piece of abalone shell from Hula class, pink feathers from boas in Burlesque class, pieces of hot pink mylar from cheerleading pom poms and some tiny pearls from who knows where. When you are enamored with your own garbage you are either headed for crazyville or have found your path in life. I know it sounds unbelievable, but it's true: I am in love with my job. GoddessLife headquarters is an unconventional workplace that I created by doing what I love to do: dancing, dressing up and empowering women. As much as I like to keep it a secret, I do actually have "real work" such as shipping DVD orders to Target that I squeeze in between the 20 classes held at my studio each week. But I can make even the most tedious work glamorous by strapping on a Brazilian headdress and rhinestone g-string. I struggle to remember to tone it down when the UPS man comes, though it is a challenge since I own more corsets than khakis. I love my job, but it wasn"t always this way.

I was fired from last job of six years. My boss sat me down over his 18th espresso of his day and started his tirade by telling me I was a "wild pony". I was about to say, "thank-you" when he interrupted me with his thick Greek accent to yell at me dramatically, "You are ruining my life" and proceeded to let me go. Yes, I was bellydancing and technically doing what I loved to do. However, I had the dubious distinction of working for the grand-prize winners of the ultimate chauvinistic bosses of all time: Middle-Eastern restaurant and night club owners. If that didnÕt chip away at my self-worth, imagine making a positive contribution to society if you don't wake up before noon! Sometimes I wouldn't officially "clock-in" until 11pm and I was lucky: The best dancers in Cairo donÕt go on until 5am! I thought I had a productive day if I made it to the post office. If that didn't make it a crummy job, envision finding a splotch of babaganoush on your new $1500 jewel-encrusted-velvet bellydance costume.

By the time I was fired, I was swamped with running a business, but was afraid to leave the security of my restaurant income. Being fired was a blessing and helped me to focus on my raison d,etre. The first time I had a glimpse of my purpose in life happened in NYC when I was studying dance during the day and making a living bellydancing at a Moroccan Restaurant at night. My dancer friends talked me into teaching a bellydance class at the restaurant. During the first class I got chills witnessing all the dancers transform into women. It was empowering for me to dance exclusively for women - the origins of bellydance. I named my class The Goddess Workout because I believe all women are Goddesses. After that, doors opened up for me and I came to believe that the things that were synchronistic and fell into my lap were the things I belonged doing. One of my students was a film producer and said lets make a video of your class, which became the first Goddess Workout Video. At the time, there were no bellydance videos on the market and it was not considered as fitness. So I took my class out of the restaurant and introduced bellydance into gyms. My big break happened when one of my students who was taking my class at Crunch Gym wrote The Goddess Workout into an episode of Sex and the City. Everything changed for me. My DVDs got into Target and sold well, very well. I opened up my dream dance studio and uber-girly clubhouse, The Goddess Center. Bellydance is hotter than ever with Shakira and Beyonce bellydancing in their music videos and my classes are filled-to-capacity.

I don't live on Easy Street now that I am my own boss. I work later than I did when I was bellydancing at restaurants, I take a lot of risks and I still break out in a sweat when someone tells me, "No". But knowing that I am living my reason for being, makes me feel like the richest woman on Earth. My best advice for you if you are still struggling to find your purpose in life is to observe the signs you are given. Do you get the chills when you go to Home Depot? Do you feel passionate about animal rights? Are you really good on the internet? Stop trying so hard to figure it out and give notice when things come effortlessly - like a gift. Try new things and keep doing all the things you like. Don't ever feel trapped by the current circumstances in your life. Your path will come to you because it has been in front of you all along. If someone can make actually make a living by having a fun job such as writing OPI nailpolish names, like "I am not really a waitress", you can have the job of your dreams, too!

Dolphina to dance at Lululemon

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Knitting Workshop at The Goddess Center

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