Your Identity –your Goddess within
*swimming with dolphins in this unaltered photo by Todd Essick - view more at www.essickphoto.com
After fantasizing about it for years, I decided it was time to fulfill my dream: to take a year off and live on an island. Had I gone bananas? No, Thoreau’s Walden profoundly inspired me and I always wanted to do what he did: leave the distractions of the daily grind to find out the meaning of life. He wrote his philosophical book in the woods in a house that he had built himself, on the shore of Walden Pond, in Concord, Massachusetts. I chose the tropical beach version. I was living in New York City and was insecure, confused about my career path, and on a quest to find my identity different from my parents. I had many excuses of why I couldn’t do it, but when I was 20, I cashed in my investments and decided to invest in myself. I traded in my sequins for seashells and purchased a one-way ticket to the Caribbean. It was the single best thing I ever did for myself. What happened next was the last thing I could have expected: a miracle.
I was bold, stubborn, foolish and lucky. I had been living in a campground on Tortola, in the British Virgin Islands for 3 weeks when I set out to sea. I bought a small inflatable boat with a motor, packed all my belongings in it and went in search for a secluded beach to live out my “Walden”. I was on an island known for great sailing and I ignored all sound boating advice given to me. I didn’t check for weather or I would have noticed a squall just outside the safety of Brewer’s Bay. I also neglected to tie-down my camping equipment and when my boat hit large waves, my tent went overboard. I jumped in after it and became separated from the boat. I was tossed violently in the waves until I went unconscious. When I regained consciousness, I was being pushed and lifted to shore by a pod of 3 dolphins. The locals began calling me dolphin-girl, which eventually evolved into Dolphina over the course of the year I lived there.
As other people that have experienced a near-death incident, I was shaken to the core and forever altered. All the masks that I wore and presented to the world to protect myself were stripped away. I saw clearly my identity, who I am at the core. When I returned to New York City a year after living on the island, I officially assumed the name Dolphina to represent the new me, the true me.
You have an essence that is exclusive to you. There are things that you may want to change about yourself, because you are always changing and growing, but this essence does not change. It is pure, perfect and exquisite right now and forever. It is like a brilliant gemstone. This essence is your true identity and is not altered by external influences. I call this the Goddess within.
Women often identify themselves exclusively by their relationship to others. We think of ourselves as someone’s mother, wife, daughter, boss, sister, friend and the list goes on. Most women are nurturers and tend to other’s needs before our own. This in itself is a beautiful feminine quality that I do not recommend changing completely. However, this is not the essence I am speaking of: you are a woman first and foremost. You have a uniqueness that is whole unto yourself, apart from your relationships. Left to your own devices, you could go a very long time taking care of everyone and everything in your life, except for yourself. “I am too busy”, you say to yourself. You might even feel selfish at the thought of taking time for your Goddess within. You would be surprised at the wonders just an afternoon at the park, a museum, or wearing a tiara to a coffee shop by yourself can do to polish your gemstone so that it is shining brilliantly. Your family and friends need not worry that you will permanently take residence in your bubble bath, never to return. Everyone benefits: when you factor in well-deserved personal time to nourish this feminine spirit, you will have more to give back to your entire life.
If you completely define yourself by your relationship to others, you may feel the rug pulled out from underneath you if you move to a different city, become divorced, are betrayed by a friend or feel unmotivated by a job. Think of all that has happened as an exciting opportunity to reinvent, recreate and redefine who you are. Now this is your time! Dedicate this year to your Goddess within! Create the new you even more fabulous than the old you. Create the new you as the person you want to be. Create another persona with another name – like bellydancers do. Redecorate a room or corner to match the reinvention of yourself. It could even be a drawer that is filled with luxurious lingerie and scented pillows. See this space as a physical manifestation that would remind you of your new self – or one that you need to be sometimes.
I am giving you permission. Go on Goddess, take a break and allow time to wander, to let inspiration in and hear that voice inside you.
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